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Angela Wicks

Age: 21 Residence: Kent, Ohio Occupation: student Identifies as: lesbian Relationship status: partnered, 1 1/2 years

When my girlfriend, Yvonne, and I started dating, sex wasn't always at the forefront of our conversations, but we did make it clear that we both wanted monogamy. We worked to form a dose, intimate, and honest relationship. Sex plays a role but would never make or break it. During the spring of 2003 Yvonne went to Italy to study. We went without seeing each other for almost six months. Through that experience we grew stronger knowing that we could get through any challenge that came our way. We proved that holding someone in your heart can be just as strong as holding someone in your arms. We have become more comfortable in expressing our thoughts. Pleasing each other is something that we no longer have to try for; it just happens naturally.

Yvonne Wigman

Age: 49 Residence: Canberra, Australia Occupation: public servant Identifies as: lesbian Relationship status: partnered, 4 years

For me, sex is a foundation. Without it, things get shaky. I think sex is a natural expression of strong feelings between two people. If a relationship is to endure, I've found that the sex has to as well. I've had two relationships in which the sex dwindled and then disappeared. No amount of friendly affection can compensate for unfulfilled physical need. But sex is not everything. My partner, Patricia, and I both are menopausal (not what you would call conducive to regular sexual activity), so we are pretty erratic in making time for our Lovemaking, but quantity is made up for by quality. We flirt a lot, which helps. And we compliment each other. You have to have something to say to each other over your Uncle Toby's Weeties [an Australian cereal] in the morning.

Brad Buyse

Age: 46

Residence: Sacramento

Occupation: campaign manager

Identifies as: gay

Relationship status: partnered, 13 years

My partner, Troy (bottom, left), and I are going on our 13th year of a wonderful journey together. It hasn't always been easy, but we both have the same goal--to be together forever. After 13 years of monogamy I am more in love than the first day I laid eyes on him. Sometimes we make love: holding each other and kissing. Other times it's just hot sex. Having sex is much more fulfilling when you are totally in love with your partner. I tell him every day that I love him.

Micah Bisson

Age: 24

Residence: Aurora, Colo.

Occupation: insurance agent

Identifies as: gay

Relationship status: single and looking

Unlike many people I know under 30, I value intimacy in relationships. I don't believe that bad sex should be the sole reason for ending a relationship, because I happen to be of the opinion that anything, including problems with sex, can be worked out. While I do believe that there is a certain element of chemistry that must be present, it works best for me if sex occurs within the context of an intimate relationship. Since I'm currently in the world of dating (which, by the way, sucks royally), I abide by my own rule of no sex until after three or four dates, if not longer. Call it a safeguard, but I know what I want, and if I "give it up," then the relationship is more likely to be based on sex, and the chances of it falling apart because of poor sexual performance or infidelity increase.

Andrew Weissman

Age: 23

Residence: Miami

Occupation: student

Identifies as: gay

Relationship status: single

Sex in relationships is definitely important. But I also like a sense of adventure, having good priorities set in life, and other factors. I have found that without good sex the relationship almost always fails. My ex and I had amazing sexual chemistry, and we were both very open to anything the other one might want to try or do. With this openness, the relationship always had a solid base. Of course, it got to the point where sex was the only thing we had still going, and at that point the relationship had to end. I needed more. I craved vacations, dinners out, even skydiving, and none of that he could do with me. So with sex being the only common factor, a relationship really is not destined to go far--there needs to be other factors involved to really make a relationship work.

J.M. Tkalec

Age: 39 Residence: Akron, Ohio Occupation: owner of candle distributorship Identifies as: gay Relationship status: single

I was partnered with a man for 10 years. For the first 9 1/2 years the relationship was very much a "good marriage," full of love, support, laughter, and sharing all aspects of life. But our relationship ended when my partner experienced what must have been a midlife crisis and decided to took for greener grass. Though I do still hope to find that one man to share my life, at this stage I'm not actively looking for him. I'm perfectly content and happy to have wonderful friendships. Don't get me wrong, having a sex life is a wonderful thing, but it's become unimportant at this point. I don't want to have sex with a stranger--someone who has no clue as to what buttons to push or where they are, for that matter.

Steve Primeau

Age: 20 Residence: Orlando, Fla. Occupation: Web developer Identifies as: gay Relationship status: single

Sex has always been a somewhat uncomfortable topic with me. Its role in my relationships has always been negative, as it seems that once sex is introduced the predominant focus of the relationship becomes sexual satisfaction. Perhaps it's because I've never waited more than a few weeks to climb into bed and I allow myself to get wrapped up in something I consider shallow, instead of allowing it to become an expression of my feelings for my partner. Whenever I've had relationships that are solely sexual, or even have friendships that allow for sex, they've crumbled faster than a dry coffee cake. Maybe it's just me? But in my humble opinion and rather short experience, sex has on[y caused problems when it's played a major role in a developing relationship. Now is probably a good time to say I've turned to celibacy while I figure out what I really need from my man: It's cleared my mind a bit and helped me focus on the things that a relationship should be--an expression of love and truly enjoying the company of another.

Jennifer Hadlock

Age: 32 Residence: Hartford, Conn. Occupation: community organizer Identifies as: bisexual Relationship status: partnered, 3 years

My partner, Monique, and I are monogamous and have an active, fun sex life. Being monogamous allows us to feel safe experimenting and trusting one another. Good sex is important, and the lack of it has the potential to end a relationship. Neither of us could put up with lesbian bed death. But I also think it's just one in an array of important factors. I love having my girlfriend with me, and I feel committed to making our relationship work.

Jeff Mitchell

Age: 42 Residence: Naperville, Ill. Occupation: communications director Identifies as: gay Relationship status: recently married in San Francisco; has been with partner 7 years

Sex is just one factor in our relationship. I am not saying we don't have great sex: After seven years our sex is, if anything, better than it was at the start--and that's pretty good. But after all this time, having a companion, a confidant, and a partner who's there through thick and thin is much more important than what happens between the sheets. Are we monogamous? Not really. But I wouldn't describe the relationship as open either. We have established boundaries and live within them but recognize that as males, sometimes we just want to see someone else naked. As long as you respect your partner, occasional dalliances are not a big deal.

Robert Penn

Age: 20

Residence: Wayne, NJ.

Occupation: receptionist

identifies as: gay

Relationship status: partnered, 4 months

Growing up, I was always taught that sex should be something shared between two people who have strong feelings for each other. While I haven't always practiced that, the older I get, the more I believe it. When I first accepted the fact that I am gay, it seemed like a race for me to lose my virginity. Looking back now, I truly wish I had waited. I was too young and stupid, and I did it for all the wrong reasons. Sex isn't something that should be planned. When the time is right it will just happen. In relationships there is so much more at work than sex; you have to find a balance. Sex has its place, but it's not everything.

Christian Witt

Age: 19

Residence: Grand Forks, N.D.

Occupation: student

Identifies as: gay

Relationship status: single