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STEW STOKES HELPS TO LEAD AN ANNUAL NINE-MONTH leadership development program at Babson College's Executive Education Center. One of the questions that he was asked to weave into his self-introduction each year was, "Why do I agree to do this?" Stew told the group, "I have two purposes in doing this each year. My first purpose is to continue my own learning by learning from you. My second purpose is to give back some of what I've learned from others during all the years of my own life and career. Giving back is what this journey is all about."

Why give back?

Anne Starr writes, "It seems to me that we give back because we want to express the natural flowering or spilling over of what we have in us. And we discover in the process that it may be invigorating and humbling. I think when we give back spontaneously we discover that our truest self is resonating with the world-being used well -and that rekindles our spirit." I have personally had this "truest-self" experience: Our neighbors recently gave birth to a baby boy. One evening, my daughter and I surprised them with a home cooked meal. For weeks after, they expressed their appreciation and encouraged me to open a restaurant!

How do you give back? How have you had a truest-self experience?"

Below are examples of how others give back.

Lisa Heisterkamp Davis: "On a day-to-day basis, over the past few years, I have made it a point to express my appreciation to those people in life who don't get much thanks: the faceless (and now voiceless) operator for directory assistance, the person making appointments for doctors, the bus driver. I have found, of course, that giving appreciation to them for the work they do gives me even more than the original service provided. The pleasure of the interaction increases.

I recently heard a wise woman (and professor from Sloan Business School) describe people `throwing power away' as they walked down a long hall. How? By barging through the common physical space, by looking through people as they passed, by not holding a door. Acknowledging people around you makes them feel respected, respect that reflects back to you."

Lilla Rogers, agent, artist, and mentor: "I pass on what I've learned to make the road a little easier for my gifted artists."

Jean Horstman: "I hang out in my neighborhood. After September 11, I think this is even more important than ever. I am aware of how my discourse with strangers helps to create civil society. So I stop to talk with babies and older people. I compliment women brave enough to wear great hats. I chat with people on the bus and at the airport. I seek to honor those who serve me by learning their names and hearing their stories. I recycle, buy experienced furniture, go to and throw yard sales, vote, write letters to the editor, and do regular volunteer work with grieving children. Periodically, I invite just about everybody I know-from business leaders to my local auto mechanic-to a potluck dinner in my too small apartment. Democracy is strengthened through unexpected conversations and this meal is rich in them. I drive an older used car that gets great gas mileage and I use public transportation when I can. I bought my two-family house in a diverse community. I tithe annually to a set of nonprofits that focus on human rights, affordable housing, and intercultural understanding-real challenges in the United States and the world. And last, I participate in congregational worship and individual prayer. Before I go to bed every night I write down all the blessings of the day and I say thank you to God."

Mark Levy, author, Accidental Genius: Revolutionizing Your Thinking Through Private Writing: "I give commonplace things a lot of attention, because the giving of attention is, I think, a way of giving back. So I look closely at soup spoons, staircase landings, cat ears, computer keyboards, and revolving doors. Also at fallen leaves, pocket lint, mailboxes, and the edges of coins. I think about how these things were made, how they came into existence, the effort it took to create them, and how I've benefited from their existence, even in the smallest way."

Ben Rudnick musician, "Emily's Song": "Family is a big part of my life; and I believe that the happiest people you'll meet feel the same way about their families. By gearing my recordings and performances toward families, I enable families to have yet another way to be together enjoying one another. One of the great aspects about my music and the situations in which my band often plays is that entire families from the youngest to oldest members are present. Our music becomes the least common denominator, binding families in fun and happiness without their even being aware of it. One minute they're listening to a band play and the next minute they seem a happier family enjoying the experience. I can't say I created my music purposely to have this effect, but now realize that it's become my way of giving back. Even the strongest families can use a little extra bonding; I provide a sort of musical `glue.'"

Kim Cromwell, principal, Seagrass Partners: "One of my favorite professors used to have me over for dinner and it was at her apartment that I talked about black literature and women's literature and first sampled cold cucumber yogurt soup. Another professor friend taught me to drive a stick-shift car on her new Honda, as we discussed the poetry of Adrienne Rich along the highways of the Buckeye state.

And when our January-term programs included a month in London, I went to the financial aid office and asked if they'd give me a loan so I could make the trip and they came through for me. I am forever grateful to Denison for my education, both formal and informal, and for providing a place where I could safely develop.

So for me, giving back often takes the form of volunteerism for my college, for the Human Rights Campaign (the largest gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender civil rights organization in the country), and for my high school (where I'm currently responsible for organizing our 25th reunion next fall) primarily. I'm a big believer in giving back to those people and organizations who have helped me to grow and develop over the years-with the hope that my work today will in turn touch others. I feel enormously grateful to those who have been there for me, and I want to do the same in return."

One give back journey

An interview with Stew Stokes, founder and president of BSE&C (Behavioral Skills Education and Consulting for information technology professionals).

HAKIM: What started you on your journey of giving back?

Stokes: It's been part of me for as long as I can remember. It's not anything that arrived on my doorstep at a particular time during my career. Having said that, though, I would also say that there have been some people who entered my life and who set such a fine example by giving back to me that I've tried to do what I could to honor that process and carry it forward. Back to the beginning. I can remember my parents saying throughout my growing up, "Leave each situation better off than you found it. Leave people better off than you found them." These value statements always stuck with me and I tried to make them become personal standards. I consider them guidelines for lifetime growing. Some of the great moments for me, as a parent and grandparent, have occurred when I've overheard our children mention them to others, including our grandchildren.

I've also been extremely fortunate to have had some wonderful mentors. Much of my career has been, and still is, spent in front of groups of managers facilitating programs in managing and leading in the information technology environment. I can think back to several people who mentored and coached me along the way. They gave back to me from the wealth of information and wisdom they had acquired. It's come full circle and I've found myself in the mentoring or coaching role numerous times, and have tried to return the favor. I've also written and had published a few articles on the topics.

HAKIM: Why is giving back so important to you now?

Stokes: As I've stated above, it's always been important. Of course, the passing of the years has a way of reinforcing the importance of all of our values, certainly this one. You begin to think about your legacy.

HAKIM: What are some practical tips thatyou would share with the readers for giving back?

Stokes: How do I give back? Here are some tips of mine:

1. While "giving back" is behavioral in nature (you do certain things), it is attitudinally based (you have to value the process and the outcome and want to do what you can). So the first tip is, "examine yourself." Do you care enough to want to do it? If you do, you'll find ways. If you don't, don't try and fake it. Bill Glavin, a former president of Babson College, had a wonderful piece of wisdom that he offered to groups: "Step back and watch yourself go by. Do you like what you see?"